


Jack Kline Against Humanity

by NougatAntichrist



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cards Against Humanity, Castiel and Dean Winchester and Sam Winchester are Jack Kline's Parents, Family Bonding, Feel-good, Team Free Will 2.0 (Supernatural), everyone is happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-16 21:21:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28713465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NougatAntichrist/pseuds/NougatAntichrist
Summary: Jack Kline and his dads play some Cards Against Humanity between hunts.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	Jack Kline Against Humanity

For some teenagers, living in an underground bunker with all the amenities of modern life and very little adult supervision, would be a dream come true. Add to that, not having to attend school, and the result would be days filled with video games, Netflix binges, unsupervised parties, and hours on various social media websites. But Jack Kline was far from your average teenager. _Technically_ , at two years old, he wasn't a teenager at all. And while Jack still enjoyed watching _The Clone Wars_ on Netflix and playing _Portal_ on his laptop, he much preferred spending his days searching police scanners and news articles for signs of monster activity. No, Jack Kline was not your average teenager: he was a hunter.

And he was bored out of his mind. Because for the past week, the brothers Sam and Dean Winchester, along with Jack's caretaker the angel Castiel, had been hunting down a djinn in New Hampshire. What had started out as a routine hunt soon turned into anything but when they found the djinn holed up with a nest of vampires. But, with Sam, Dean, and Castiel being the greatest team of hunters the world has ever seen, they made short work of the nest, and texted Jack to say they were making their way back home.

The week alone in the bunker had started out great for Jack. On day one he binged seasons 3-6 of _The Clone Wars_. On day two, he spent half of the day searching for a case and the other half reading books from the bunker library about zombies. Day three was filled with video games, YouTube videos of cats, and more case searching. He almost burned down the bunker on day four when he tried to make a pizza and left it in the oven for over an hour. On day five he decided to start a new cartoon series called _Steven Universe._ But it was so vastly different from _The Clone Wars_ that he gave up after two episodes, only to return to his zombie research. By day six he was running out of ways to entertain himself. He decided he didn't like how the books in the library were organized and spent the day re-grouping them by topic instead of the author's last name.

Over the past six days Jack had failed to find even a _single_ sign of monster activity in the United States. And by today he had given up on that venture, instead spending his morning staring at the ceiling of his room waiting for his family to return home. He hadn't been able to get out of bed to do anything: he had woken up too bored to try. Even his dreams last night were boring, consisting mainly of reordering library books.

But Jack couldn't just lay around all day. He rolled over to check the clock on his nightstand. It was almost noon. He rolled back to look at the ceiling for a few more seconds. He needed to get up. He couldn't just waste the day away. Besides, laying here wasn't curing his boredom; if anything, it was adding to it. So Jack forced himself to get up, take a shower, and get dressed. Then, he made his way to the kitchen, because, if he was going to do nothing today, he was going to do it on a full stomach.

~~~

Jack had been flipping through various books, just looking at the illustrations, when Sam, Dean, and Castiel finally did return. They each said hello then retreated to their respective rooms; the brothers likely needing some sleep and Cass just needing some time to himself.

Several hours later, Sam and Cass returned to the library, whispering about something, to find Jack just staring at the table.

"Hey, Jack? Everything alright?" asked Castiel.

"Yeah," Jack sighed. "What do you guys do when you're bored?"

"Well, I find a book in here that I haven't read yet," said Sam.

"And I watch Netflix on Sam's laptop," Castiel added. "But I guess the bunker doesn't hold much else in the way of entertainment for a young nephilim."

"You know what, I think I have a card game stashed away somewhere in my room. How about we all have a game night?" Sam asked.

Jack hadn't played a card game in his life, but he was willing to try anything to stave off the boredom he felt. "Sure!"

~~~

Sam, Dean, Cass, and Jack all sat at the end of the large library table. Cass and Sam sat next to each other and across from Jack while Dean sat at the end of the table. In the middle of the table was a six pack of beer and a box labeled, "The Bigger Blacker Box". Everyone had been given seven cards (and a beer of course) and Sam had explained the rules, then placed down a black card reading "___? There's an app for that." Jack and Cass exchanged confused looks. Neither fully understood how to play.

Sam noticed this and declared, "This'll be a practice round, so you two can get the idea. Just play whatever card you think matches the best."

Jack looked down and read his cards. He had: a sex goblin with a carnival penis, a snapping turtle biting off the tip of your penis, not wearing pants, poor life choices, overcompensation, a sad fat dragon with no friends, and futuristic death sports. Jack had no idea what some of his cards even meant. So he took the first card in his hand and played that one. Besides, it would give him a chance to ask what a sex goblin is.

Once everyone had placed a card in the center of the table, Sam picked them all up and shuffled them. "Alright let's see what we got." Sam began to read the cards out loud. "Stephen Hawking talking dirty? There's an app for that. A sex goblin with a carnival penis? There's an app for that. And double penetration? There's an app for that."

Jack frowned. "What's that?"

"What?"

"Double penetration. What does that mean?"

All three of the men stared at him for a moment before Dean turned to Sam. "I thought you gave him the talk?"

"I did," Sam replied. "Well, the important stuff."

"Clearly not!"

Castiel interjected before Sam could say anything. "Jack, it's a sexual encounter where... well it's what it sounds like."

Jack didn't quite understand. He was about to ask for clarification when he glanced at Sam who shook his head, indicating Jack wouldn't want to know.

Sam cleared his throat to shift the conversation back to the game. "So," he picked up a card. "Stephen Hawking talking dirty wins."

"Thank you," said Cas as he leaded forward to grab the black card off the table.

"Hey! He said it was a practice round," protested Dean. "Put it down."

Jack smiled as Sam dealt out replacement cards. No matter what, Dean was always the competitive one. Castiel sat back in his chair, disappointed he hadn't really won the round.

Sam noticed this and said, "Hey its alright. Here, now you get to play a black card and choose the winner."

"Yeah but choose fair," Dean instructed. "No playing favorites you two."

Castiel rolled his eyes. "Of course not, Dean." He picked up a black card that read, "What's that sound?" then placed it on the table.

Jack looked down at his cards again. Of them all, he figured a snapping turtle biting the tip of someone's penis would work. After all, a painful yelp would be loud. He placed the card in the center, hoping he understood this game.

Once Dean finally made his decision and played his card, Cass shuffled the cards and read them out. "What's that sound? Total fucking chaos. What's that sound? Daddy's belt." This got Sam and Dean giggling. "What's that sound? A snapping turtle biting the tip of your penis." Castiel stared at the cards in contemplation. "Well total fucking chaos would likely be quite loud..."

"Ok Mr. Spock," Dean chided, "it's supposed to be funny not logical."

Cass frowned. "But the joke has to make sense to be funny."

"Dean, trust me," Sam chuckled, "this is the only way he knows to be funny."

If it was possible, Cass' frown deepened. "Sam, I thought you liked my sense of humor."

Sam's smiled faded, "I do," he reassured.

Dean turned to Jack and mouthed, "He doesn't." Which made Jack giggle. His adoptive father's humor was often dry or poorly delivered. Not that Jack loved him any less for it. And he was sure Sam felt the same way.

Jack watched as Cass mentally dropped the subject, then pick up a card and said, "Total fucking chaos wins."

Next to him, Sam grinned. "Thank you," he said as he took the black card.

"Hey, what did I tell you two?" Dean teased.

"Pandering isn't cheating. It's not my fault you don't get Cass' humor."

Dean rolled his eyes, then looked to Jack for support. Jack just shrugged. He was enjoying the free entertainment. Finding no support, Dean leaned back in his chair and bitterly sipped on his beer. Sam dealt out replacement cards and was about to draw a black card to play when he looked at Jack.

"Hey Jack, do you want to try being the judge?"

"Sure." Jack drew a black card and read, "You are not alone. Millions of Americans struggle with ___ everyday." He placed it on the table then waited for the others to play their cards. As they made their choices, Jack studied them. He could see Dean reading his card parings to himself, and ultimately choose the one that made him bust out laughing. Sam studied his cards then looked up at Jack, as if he was trying to read Jack's mind. He looked back at his cards, gave a subtle nod, then played his choice. Last was Castiel who was busy contemplating each card. When he finally made his choice, Jack collected the cards and shuffled them.

"Okay. I read the black card first right?" he asked Sam, who nodded. "So, you are not alone. Millions of Americans struggle with demons and shit everyday. Millions of Americans struggle with poor life choices everyday. Millions of Americans struggle with penis envy everyday." Jack placed the cards on the table and considered each as Dean giggled to himself.

Castiel smirked at Dean. "Dean, laughing won't make the envy disappear." Dean immediately had murder in his eyes while his brother bust a gut laughing.

Jack didn't know what else to do. "Um... Demons and shit?"

Cass grinned and, without breaking eye contact with Dean, took the black card. "Thank you, Jack."

Dean, still stabbing Cass with his glare, declared, "Fine. My turn," before snatching a black card to read out. "How am I..." Dean stopped abruptly, glared at Cass, then reached to grab a new card.

Sam snatched the deck away, curious. "No no. You insisted. Now read the card, Dean."

"Come on man, this one... it's not a funny one."

Suspicious, Sam insisted, "Well, now we have to know what it says."

Dean looked close to begging for a new card, but finally caved with a sigh. "Fine. How am I... compensating... for my tiny penis." Cass spit out his beer as he and Sam roared with laughter. And Jack couldn't help but join in due to the timing of the card.

"Ah well," Sam chuckled, "at least you admit it."

"Are you knuckleheads done? Play a card." 

Cass and Sam excitedly showed each other their card choices as Jack made his selection. Dean gathered the cards while bitterly mumbling to himself. "Okay, we have... GUYS! Come on!" This time even Dean joined in on the laughter. "Fine. How am I compensating for my tiny penis? Overcompensation. That's not even clever. How am I compensating for my tiny penis? Natural male enhancement." Cass was laughing so hard he had to wipe tears from his eyes. "And how am I compensating for my tiny penis? Rock music and premarital sex." Everyone, Dean included, lost their shit. "YES winner right here!" Dean declared.

Sam triumphantly snatched the black card. "Yes! That card was made about you."

Jack couldn't stop laughing at how right Sam was. He had never laughed this hard in his life. And he wouldn't have it any other way. Sure, his life had it's ups and downs, but right here, right now, he was home. Home with the three men he considered his fathers. And no matter what was to come, his family would be right there with him.


End file.
